Looking back at 2011

It's the Year in Review, Catherine-style.

In August, I started my seventh year of teaching at Lewis and Clark.  Just a few months before, I completed my first year in fourth grade before being asked to transfer back to third grade. In spite of having to move my classroom twice within one year, I'm happy to be back in my old classroom with a familiar curriculum and teammates. And the moves made me more organized, always a good thing!

This summer, I volunteered at the Idaho Shakespeare Festival, at the suggestion of my dad, and I got to see four of the five plays of the season. I highly recommend volunteering at ISF. All the work is done before the show, during intermission, and after the show, allowing you to enjoy the entire show for free! (You also get a 10% discount at Cafe Shakespeare.)

Bob, 12/29/11

Bob celebrated his ninth birthday in March. With his epilepsy, related liver issues due to the long-term effects of his medication, and thyroid issues, I am especially thankful for every single day I have with him. We take a walk around our neighborhood a few times a week, even if we go slow. We play fetch and cuddle. We enjoy the little moments.

I traveled twice to spend time with family, spending Spring Break in Santa Barbara with my sister and my niece, and a week in June in Green Bay with my parents, both sisters, my grandmother, and my niece. It was great to be around them, it made me wish we all lived closer together, and it was an adjustment to come home to my quiet house.

Alice, 12/29/11

In May, I found out Alice has kidney issues and I switched her to special food. She turned 14 in October. When her kidney levels were retested in November, they were all much closer to normal! I am so thankful to have been given the gift of more time with her. She loves playing and cuddling just as much as ever.  I take time every day to give thanks for her, even when she's meowing at 6 am to wake me up.

I finished a knitting project for my dad that took over a year. I jokingly refer to myself as a social knitter, and luckily I have two friends who have the hobby also, so I have knitting dates almost every month, but that doesn't make it easy to finish projects! I had to make it a task on my To Do List to make sure I made the deadline: my dad's 75th birthday. I did it!!  He wore the scarf during our birthday skype date. I do enjoy knitting, but it's not something I'm good at so I hesitate to do it when I don't have help nearby. I'm determined to challenge myself, get out of my comfort zone, and knit, all by myself, because I know I can do it. (And if I mess up, I can redo it, which is an awesome thing - you can't say that about many things in life!) My new project is a bib for the baby. I am confident that by the time the baby is eating solid foods, it will be done!

Baby Ellie Jane, 12/28/11

In April, I started the journey to become a single mother by choice. One year later, April 2012, my baby will be born. I am blessed to have the support of my friends and family. Every day, I feel surrounded by love, it's an awesome feeling. (See other blog entries for more on the adventure.)

Ellie Jane and me, 12/31/11

I am so grateful to facebook for allowing me to be in contact with so many of my friends who are so far away from me (and even some friends who aren't that far away, but busy lives keep us apart). I've made a few new friends this year and I've strengthened friendships I already had. It's been so neat to realize that I can still be friends with people I knew as a teenager, they were kindred spirits then, and they are kindred spirits now. I am resolved to reach out more in 2012 via facebook and face to face because I realize that friendships are like flowers, they need attention in order to live and grow.

I am taking better care of my health.  I started working out and eating healthy this spring and lost 10 pounds before getting pregnant. I'm not thinking about weight now, although the number on the scale is going up and up. I'm looking forward to after the baby is born so I can start losing weight and getting in the best shape I can so that I can be an active mom who is around for a long time.

I'm learning to accept my limitations, both professionally and personally, and I'm learning that sometimes I'm capable of much more than I think. I've realized that it's all right to ask for help, I can't do everything myself.

Although there were days in 2011 that made me cry, there were many more days that put a smile on my face. And, every day, I gave thanks for the many blessings in my life.

Reflections on Single Motherhood

It's inevitable, I'm sure, to wonder if I can really handle the job of mother. It's even more daunting to wonder if I can handle being a single mother. It's been pointed out to me that I'm already a single mother of two, albeit two furry non-verbal children who don't walk upright. This point was brought home to me the other night.

I was woken up in the wee hours by the noises of Bob having a seizure. I got out of bed to soothe him and he went back to sleep quickly after the mild seizure. Not to be outdone, Alice woke me an hour later by getting sick several times. I cleaned up after her, rubbing her head before returning to my bed. And as I laid down, I thought....I totally got this motherhood thing down.

Bring it on, Baby.

A Tribute

In 2005, my friend Aimee died. With the grief fresh, I wrote…

She was my best friend, and although that was more than ten years ago, the memories have been flooding back to me this past week, along with smiles and tears.

Aimee always seemed to be supremely self-confident, I envied her that. She always seemed to trust that things would work out for the best, I remember she would always leave her keys in her car – and would leave the car doors unlocked as well. Aimee was a great listener, a great instigator and a great friend. She had a generous spirit.  I will honor her memory and her spirit, by being confident, by trusting in good and by being a great friend.

It's been six years since then and there have been so many times when I've thought about her and what I learned because of her.

Milestones

The past week has been full of momentous occasions.

Last Wednesday, I finally, for sure, felt Baby Mac move.  It didn't feel like a flutter as much as a thumping, but it was so exciting to finally feel the baby moving!

On Tuesday, I went in for a targeted ultrasound.  I had to go to a specialist due to the results of the genetic testing I had during the first trimester.  According to their calculations, (mainly based on a protein in my blood and my age) Baby Mac has a 1 in 5 chance of having Down's Syndrome.  While that also means there's a 4 in 5 chance of the baby being "normal", my odds are very elevated compared to other pregnancies.

The past months have seen my faith in myself tested (my faith in my ability to be a single mother to a special needs child, my confidence in my ability in handling life's challenges)  but I never doubted that this baby belonged with me.

I am blessed to have family and friends who have listened without judgement, without pressure.  They also gave me space when I needed it.

I focused on the positive of what I knew I could handle. I did research. I connected with a friend's sister who is going through a similar situation.  (It's amazing what the universe gives you when you need it.) 

The weeks leading up to the ultrasound stirred up my worries and insecurities. How would I react if there were markers for DS detected? Would I be able to cope if the baby had a heart defect (often associated with DS)? I told myself it would just mean that I knew for certain, knew what my challenges would be.  I never doubted that this baby belonged with me.

One of my best friends came with me. We waited anxiously, excitedly for the ultrasound tech to come, for the news, whatever it would be.  We saw the spine first (all three sections - all fine!), the heart (fine!), the kidneys (fine!), and then, we found out the gender....a GIRL!!  Then the pinky was checked (three bones - fine!!), the nasal bone (fine!), the bowel (fine!), the arms and legs (fine! in fact the tech commented on her long arms -shorter limbs are a marker for DS).

All of my worries were wiped away, one by one.  And knowing it - she was fine, well, to borrow a line from Suess, my heart grew three sizes that day.

I'm twenty weeks pregnant now.  Halfway through this journey. I am thankful for having the health of my baby confirmed.  She will be monitored monthly (the next ultrasound is scheduled for December 28th) and I am confident she and I are in good hands.

Eleanor Jane Aibhlin

due April 18

I cannot wait to meet her.