Milestones

The past week has been full of momentous occasions.

Last Wednesday, I finally, for sure, felt Baby Mac move.  It didn't feel like a flutter as much as a thumping, but it was so exciting to finally feel the baby moving!

On Tuesday, I went in for a targeted ultrasound.  I had to go to a specialist due to the results of the genetic testing I had during the first trimester.  According to their calculations, (mainly based on a protein in my blood and my age) Baby Mac has a 1 in 5 chance of having Down's Syndrome.  While that also means there's a 4 in 5 chance of the baby being "normal", my odds are very elevated compared to other pregnancies.

The past months have seen my faith in myself tested (my faith in my ability to be a single mother to a special needs child, my confidence in my ability in handling life's challenges)  but I never doubted that this baby belonged with me.

I am blessed to have family and friends who have listened without judgement, without pressure.  They also gave me space when I needed it.

I focused on the positive of what I knew I could handle. I did research. I connected with a friend's sister who is going through a similar situation.  (It's amazing what the universe gives you when you need it.) 

The weeks leading up to the ultrasound stirred up my worries and insecurities. How would I react if there were markers for DS detected? Would I be able to cope if the baby had a heart defect (often associated with DS)? I told myself it would just mean that I knew for certain, knew what my challenges would be.  I never doubted that this baby belonged with me.

One of my best friends came with me. We waited anxiously, excitedly for the ultrasound tech to come, for the news, whatever it would be.  We saw the spine first (all three sections - all fine!), the heart (fine!), the kidneys (fine!), and then, we found out the gender....a GIRL!!  Then the pinky was checked (three bones - fine!!), the nasal bone (fine!), the bowel (fine!), the arms and legs (fine! in fact the tech commented on her long arms -shorter limbs are a marker for DS).

All of my worries were wiped away, one by one.  And knowing it - she was fine, well, to borrow a line from Suess, my heart grew three sizes that day.

I'm twenty weeks pregnant now.  Halfway through this journey. I am thankful for having the health of my baby confirmed.  She will be monitored monthly (the next ultrasound is scheduled for December 28th) and I am confident she and I are in good hands.

Eleanor Jane Aibhlin

due April 18

I cannot wait to meet her.