An Aha Moment

As you may, or may not know, I am packing to move to a new house.  The process of packing requires sifting and sorting through belongings.  I've found BART tickets (and I moved from the Bay Area over nine years ago),  and discovered books I own but haven't read in years.  But my aha moment (to borrow from Oprah) was when I came across a lipstick I bought when on a business trip in Detroit in 1999 that I thought about the whole drawer of make-up that I own, and all of the lotions and cremes that I've also accumulated over the years, and I thought about how often I use them.  The answer is not often.  I buy things that would make me look prettier, or make my skin clearer or softer, but then I put them in a drawer and I don't use them.  The amount of money I spent on products is a bit staggering, and I'd rather not think about how much money was wasted as I recall the bag of expired make-up I put in the trash last night. But a more troubling question is "why do I buy these things and never use them?"  I'm not certain yet, but I think I buy these things to make myself feel better, feel prettier, but then I don't think I really deserve to feel that way, so I put the things in a drawer or a cabinet and never use them.  I realized I've spent money to make myself feel better about myself, throwing money away because I never do feel better.  Unsuccessful retail therapy.  So, if buying make-up and skin care products doesn't make me feel better, what does? 

Well, I've tried food.  I eat when I'm feeling stressed, when I'm feeling blue, when I'm feeling lonely, when I'm feeling upset...is there a pattern forming? 

I spend money (that I often can't afford) on eating and pampering myself, but it doesn't fill me up.  I just spend more, filling up drawers in my bathroom, and increasing my weight until I tip the scales at a number that I never wanted to see.  But I still don't feel good about myself.  This pattern started over 15 years ago.  And it's time that it stops.

Now if I can just have an aha moment about how to do that...