"It's a strange thing to say, because I'm at heart an optimistic person, but I would say in some ways it just gets worse. It's just that the more time that passes, the more you miss someone. In some ways it gets worse."
Michelle Williams, on mourning Heath Ledger (reference)
I admit it, I read entertainment news, and in the months since I read this interview, this quote has stuck with me - and I find the truth of it more and more each day.
This fall it will be 20 years since my grandparents died. Every birthday I have, every Christmas, every story about a grandparent, the birth of my niece - I felt their loss. I thought of how much they would love to hold their first great-grandchild. I thought of how my niece has their genes....and I see my grandmother in my niece's smile. I thought of how much I missed that smile, and how many times that smile had been turned in my direction.
It's been four years since a friend of mine died. We'd been out of touch, for many years, for reasons that seemed valid then but which I question now, but we had gotten back in touch before she got sick - I'd like to think we were friends again. And, like my grandparents, I find myself missing her more as the time goes by. The other day I heard a song we'd listened to together, and felt her loss like it was new.
This process of loss applies to places - I miss San Francisco more the longer I am gone from it - and to distant friends who I wish were nearer to me. Missing someone never gets easier.
I think we must try not to miss the people who are with us - who we can interact with now on this earthly plane. Every day that goes by where I do not speak to a friend is one less memory for me to cherish, one less memory to make me smile.
It's a melancholy posting for a date so near Valentine's Day, but somehow a holiday that celebrates love makes me think of people I love, many of whom are far from me, some as far away as heaven.
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