One Month of Motherhood

I've stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop. At first I was waiting for the baby blues to hit, then for the sleep deprivation to kick in, then I started to worry when colic might start. I seem to have dodged these troubles, for now, and what I've started to realize is that worrying won't stop something from happening, it doesn't prepare me for it, it just uses up energy that I could be focusing on my baby. I'm stopping the quest for perfection. Having taken on the challenge of single motherhood by choice, I've felt pressure to be able to handle it all, without, as the old commercial said, letting them see me sweat. And, to be honest, I've lucked out in many ways with my baby, but it's still a lot to deal with. I don't have someone to watch Ellie Jane while I go to the grocery store, or someone to clean the house or deal with Bob and Alice. It's all me. On Tuesday, I didn't get anything checked off my to do list...and it was great, but there was this nagging feeling that by just napping and spending time with my baby I wasn't doing enough. But it is. Ellie Jane needs my focus, the laundry, the cleaning, other things can wait. I'm lucky to be home with Ellie for the first four months of her life. And I'm going to enjoy each day, focusing on the important things, not worrying about what might happen or how well I'm doing. She thinks I'm doing great.